A friend of mine and I were recently doing what we do: Some single dads may have experienced a few of these, too. Cougar is another term that needs to go. We have in no way lowered our standards. It actually may get you sent directly to a block list because we want a quality partner and not someone firing off pictures of their equipment to total strangers.
I never have enough time to achieve all I need to achieve at work. Night time is precious. I hope that my time with you will be golden too. I am wrapped up in my son and caring for both of us. It is a logistical and oftentimes emotional challenge. Sometimes, and I apologise for this, you are probably going to have to remind me that you have needs too.
The first 5 years, I was married, and for the last 4 I have absolutely. Thanks for being so open and honest in this post. And thanks for sharing it with TwinklyTuesday!
Sadia recently posted… Twinkly Tuesday, November 24, I would quite happily revel in my own company for the rest of my days too. I actually quite enjoy my evenings with a glass of wine and my blog. Hmmm, yes I know what you mean. Dating does seem like a lot of hassle. But I actually quite like the excitement of dating, the early days, before the sex, before things start to get boring.
It makes me feel like a teenager again. I have to say it is a bit concerning that so many men seem to be taking the news so much in their stride. Xx thetruthabout thenthefunbegan recently posted… The Truth about… It is a bit concerning and you are probably right. They are probably in it for the short term game, which is fair enough as long as they are honest about it so I can make an informed decision.
Best of luck with it.
All of this is so true! A friend of mine who is a single mother and I have had this exact same conversation! I think there are lots of great guys out there who actually get this, though. Some years ago I went through a divorce we had no children. I had to get back into dating and, being in my thirties, this could have been a real issue. Thing is, I was raised as a stepson, not to mention the oldest of three siblings.
This, I think, gave me a different perspective and I was quite happy about potentially dating single mums. Things took a different course and it never actually happened but I was quite prepared to do it and face the challenges you mention.
Not Your MILF: A Guide to Dating Single Moms
I am glad that you would have been willing to face the challenges that dating a single mum might entail. I am not sure that many people really think about it. I need to get on the same dating apps as you! I hope you find someone that makes you happy and accepts you and all X SundayStars Mummy here and there recently posted… Nurofen for Children. When my wife became pregnant 23 years ago this Xmas. Blimey… I had to accept that I was relegated to second place.
How can you have a problem with that? Child howling and puking in the middle of the night? I rushed in, lifted my son out of the cot — and put my back out. My wife casually stepped over me as I lay on the floor. I think the difference is that before your children arrived you were 1. You are now the father to 1,2 and 3 and that makes you special. Dating a single mum you will never be number one. I guess that means that there is no transition to the relegated position which may be easier.
It somehow feels different to me. Completely different ballgame bro. I am always told by men that most men go for single parnts as they assume we are easy lays tut tut, like we are desperate, but in actual fact i am way more picky now i have my son to think about!
You must be joking. I reckon I am probably the toughest lay ever. I have my son to think about and there is no way in a million years I am making similar errors of judgement when it comes to male suitors again. And then there is the fact that my free time ie when I am not caring for my son, working, shopping, cleaning, budgeting, blogging probably amounts to about 22 minutes a month in 15 different blocks.
Any lay who can fit into those time-slots is going to be bitterly disappointing. I have no issues dating divorced mothers whatsoever but I will be cautious. I just got out of a 2 year relationship with a divorced mother whom I thought was the one.
He once climbed all over a strangers car at a car show and scratched the paint when the cars owner said something to her she defended her sons poor behavior and called the cars owner a jerk. Her son would frequently cry and throw tantrums if he could not get what he wanted.
The final straw was when she stood up for her ex husband even though he was into child porn. She keep going on about how she thought he was innocent despite the overwhelming evidence against him and he was always hanging out at her place in order to see their son.
He would eat the food in her fridge and sit on her couch watching tv and playing video games.
Dating single mothers? Just say NO! A note for all the single dudes.
I made the mistake once of saying I thought he was guilty and she called me all sorts of names judgmental, a know it all, yelled at me, etc thats when I said audios. I had put a lot of effort into that relationship, made her and her kid my number one priority and spent thousands on her and her son, not to mention time and emotional investment, only to be treated like that.
Sorry but no one is worth that kind of treatment. I guess it takes a bigger man than me. Thank you for your long comment. On the latter point, I have no alternative. On the decision to leave my ex, there was of course and alternative but it was not a happy one….
I do hope however, that your experience with your now ex will not put you off dating single moms again in the future. We are not all the same. Most of us work really hard to be the very best parents that we can be and we have to work doubly hard because we shoulder more of the parenting ups and downs than many parents in a couple.
You undermine yourself by saying why men should not date single moms. You even admit to a male family member not do so. Single moms almost virtually nothing for a man seeking love.
Everyone always assumes the husband must put the kids and wife above himself but rarely ever, if at all, mentions that she must put her kids and husband before herself.
So why exactly are you trying to date again? Well, thank you for your comment and for your honesty. That ended it for me. My two biggest problems were first Baby Daddy Drama. And the scarcity of alone time. I understand child rearing is tough. I never had my own children, but dammit I have needs too. Too many dates cancelled at the last second and being a sounding board when the ex stirred things up.
I came to the conclusion that I cannot and will not date single mothers.Never Date A Single Mother
The investment yields way too small of a return to interest me, And I can never, ever accept or love children from another man.
Swan, many men think this way. Maybe I upset you with my reply. But you did open that door with this blog. If that makes me a bad person, then so be it. I am not in the least bit upset by your reply.
I think it is good to be honest. I know that as a mum my child will always come first. Like I said, I think your honesty is a good thing. If you ever do decide to date a single mum again there are some great ones out there! Thank you for your comment. It is always good to hear different points of view.
Dating single mothers just say no
My son will always be my number one. Dating is hard enough already — let alone adding single parenthood into it. And never being number 1 I even feel this way about my husband!! I have had the best fun though with a few tears, I wouldnt have changed a thing about it. I have kept it well away from my children, except for the last one, I vowed never again until they are both out of school, which they both are now and thankfully have not been effected by my last relationship, I finally feel ready to dip my toe in again… scary though flying solo recently posted… A Beautiful, Heartfelt Hand Written Letter From My 8 Year Old Niece.
I know what you mean about keeping the children out of it. At the moment, I am just a serial first bad dater. Haha, Yes I am a psycho from lack of sleep quite a lot of the time.
This is a really thoughtful and honest post and I really enjoyed it. I think the right person for you genuinely will want to date a single mother, and they will want to work round and overcome those issues together.
We hope you come back next week. I saw the title of this post and was really interested to see what you were going to say on the topic! And it was a great, honest read. And I think the right man will be ok with all of your points. A really interesting post as always Pen. I think once you have found the right man he will not mind one bit that he will never be number 1 because your son should rightly always come first. Thank you for being honest about your limtations.
All the reasons you illustrated are main reason why I cannot date single moms. Single mums are brilliant you know. After reading this we feel blessed. My wife and I have been married 7 years we have two children together. Never in my mine will I think of leaving them!
I love protecting our family! At first when you hear a single mom say my kids come first it sound good from the outside it is obvious, but for a man if he decides to married her it will be an unwise choice.
A quality man is wise he will not seek single mothers he will either focuses on his own success and be alone or still be with his wife and kids. Single moms have a higher risk of having a second divorce, its a fact. We have in no way lowered our standards. It actually may get you sent directly to a block list because we want a quality partner and not someone firing off pictures of their equipment to total strangers.
If someone asks for them, fine. I can honestly say that I went on a date where the guy practically interviewed me to be the stepmom for his kid. It was a first date. If they say no, respect that. There is little more embarrassing than having to explain to a potential date that our budget may extend to supporting ourselves and our kids but might not cover the cost of a sitter for a night out.
Be considerate, and understand that sometimes dates might get derailed by family emergencies.
Louder for the people in the back! This means co-parenting with someone you broke up with or divorced. This one is big for me. My kids will always come first in the decisions that I make as far as their health and well-being and overall happiness. I had an ex say that he and my kids should come before me.