Also, while the Bible does not prohibit interracial marriage, there are a large number of cultural and identity issues making such a union unwise. It is desirable for singles to seek a partner who is compatible socially, ethnically, and especially spiritually. Unfortunately, society has given us a wrong interpretation of love, confusing it with the emotion of lust or selfish infatuation. True courtship involves getting to know the character of the other potential partner. True love is an unselfish benevolent concern for another. The ingredients that make dating and marriage work are faith, hope, and love. Sometimes children have an interesting view of marriage.
They keep their word and promises. They are not a big question mark when it comes to whether or not they will do what they said.
You can entrust important tasks to them Proverbs They can control themselves on a date. They are not attempting to push the moral boundaries 1 Thessalonians 4: They can love 1 Corinthians This is far different from sweet-talking or being romantic. They are kind in with their words. They want you to have a strong relationship with God.
They do not want to do anything that would lead you away from God. They are not a stumbling-block Matthew They love God more than they love you and it shows in their priorities, commitments, what they say, and how they live. They take sin and doctrine seriously. They are not looking for a loophole around what Scripture says.
Dating, Relationships, Marriage And Sex
They are not trying to convince you that grace will just automatically cover everything Jude 4; Proverbs When you are sick, they still attend the worship services. They are also honest about themselves including preventing their weaknesses to hurt your relationship. They can admit when they are wrong.
They see their own short-comings. They notice other people, especially when others are hurting. They see the needs that are beyond their own.
They genuinely want to know more about you rather than just talking about themselves. They are faithful to God, and know why they believe 1 Peter 3: They are not afraid to talk about their faith and relationship with God.
They have endurance and steadfastness. They will correct you when you are in the wrong. They will stand up to you when you are not doing or saying what is right. They are not a rubber stamp, they do not just agree with everything you say. They bring out the best in you. So, as in all aspects of dating and marriage, use wisdom.
And in all your getting, get understanding. People were meant to marry others who are compatible in culture, character, religious beliefs, and outlook on life.
Disregarding these principles is likely to result in problems and hardships for the couple and sadly, for the children. The question of 'who to marry' has to do with making wise decisions for one's future and one's children's future as well.
People know neither love nor hatred by anything they see before them. This is one of the greatest problems in dating, and people go by their emotional seeing, rather than using wisdom. Love is not a matter of desiring what we see. In today's vernacular, the word 'love' has almost no end to its meanings and usage.
We hear such terms as:. Every one of these worldly applications of the word 'love' refers to a motivation and acts of lovelessness, that is, hatred toward others, because every one of these terms describes harmful actions against the other person. Sometimes the damage does not become noticeable until a lot later in life, and usually it is during the marriage.
And His commandments are not burdensome. II John 6 This is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, that as you have heard from the beginning, you should walk in it. Extreme jealousy, controlling behavior, quick involvement, and unpredictable mood swings, alcohol or drug abuse, explosive anger, isolates you from friends and family, uses force during an argument, shows hypersensitivity, blames others for his problems or feelings, cruel to children or animals, verbally abusive, or threatens violence.
According to one survey of 13 to 18 year olds, nearly one in three teenage girls in dating relationships say they have feared being physically hurt by a partner. Almost one in five admit being hit, slapped, or shoved by a boyfriend.
Nevertheless, in the same online poll conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited marketing firm, many young people not only accept such behaviors, but consider them normal and exciting.
Nearly half admitted doing something that conflicted with their personal values or beliefs to please a boyfriend or girlfriend. Some said that they would "do almost anything" to hold onto a relationship, even an abusive one. Almost 60 percent of teens in relationships acknowledged their partner made them feel bad or embarrassed about themselves. The study was commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. A red flag should go up when someone makes you feel that whatever you are is not enough.
Of course, I am speaking about dating relationships. Love is not "falling in love. Believe it or not, it is utterly impossible to fall in love. A "fall" is an accident, and love should most definitely not be accidental. We live in a perverse and ignorant society with hundreds of songs, movies, novels, and magazine articles about "falling in love. It is supposed to be an indefinable feeling—a tingling up and down your spine—as you glance across a crowded room at someone who could become a partner in sex.
We are falsely told by the songs of our day that we will know at a glance when we "fall in love. However, the kind of "love" into which most people "fall," is not true love, but lust. It is desire for intimacies and sexual experience with one another; a yearning to be seen in each other's company, to own and have power over the other person—but that certainly is not true love!
This kind of "love" is from the self-centeredness of the person. In this society, love is described as "feelings" that people are assured of experiencing in which their hearts flutter and beat faster.
Love is presented as an exciting plethora of pulsating, powerful sensations. It is like a disease with symptoms such as: That is not love! But we have been purposely led to believe that it is love by all the songs we sing, the movies we watch, and the magazines and novels that we read.
That is infatuation, desire, lust, curiosity, excitement, and physical attraction that they are describing. But, it is not love.
Single women today say the idea of two people going out on a real date has ceased to exist in the 21 st century. Instead, the dating scene involves "going out, meeting someone, going home with them, and then Sadly, meaningful relationships have been replaced by meaningless physical encounters. If I am painting a very negative view of dating in this world, I very much mean to.
Dating in this world is nothing like dating should be for singles in the church. If we throw the idea of worldly dating right on out the window, and forget about it, and use God's principles, we will fare much better. The single generation today is full of people whose parents have flooded their lives with scheduling, pressure to succeed, and extracurricular activities; so much so, that they never took the time to instill good moral standards within their children.
These singles have been programmed to not see any benefit to taking the time to woo a potential mate. Instead, they "hook up. So the result of only "hooking up" is long-term misery.
Children of illegitimate conceptions are the tragic losers from their parents' lack of self-control. Single people today still desire to be valued and cared for by someone special and, ultimately, to have a committed, lasting relationship. Commitment is important and everyone wants someone to be committed and faithful to them.
We all want to be loved, and to be able to trust someone. We cannot feel fulfilled if we do not feel loved. God has designed us that way. Love must be built on a strong foundation of commitment. But one look around, at the married people and their problems, and we realize that marriage does not automatically bring lasting satisfaction. It takes something more than a wedding to do that.
I think many single men are involved in their work, and do not feel an overwhelming desire to marry, with the potential of trading one set of problems for another. Nevertheless, there is a desire often way too faint for a single man to open his life to someone.
But, he resists settling down when he looks around at married people and their problems, and there are many. Single men often feel that if they open their hearts to a woman, but the relationship does not go anywhere or breaks apart, they have been betrayed.
They have given out personal information about themselves, but the other person walked away from it, not wanting to know more about them. They feel rejected again. At times, they are afraid they might never find someone to love and that nobody would ever love them. Of course, most single adults want to develop an intimate relationship that will not fail or break up. Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce today—who wants to become part of that statistic? So, we can see the natural tendency of many singles to be somewhat negative toward marriage.
In fact, the average age of marriage is going up and up all of the time. I think it was around 24 years of age when I was married, now it is something like 27 years of age. Most singles at one time or another, possibly often, sit at home alone, feeling unloved and unlovable, convinced that they are incapable of any type of significant relationship.
Marriage can be difficult even when two people think they are passionately "in love" with one another, but it is a firestorm when they do not even have that foundation to build on. Therefore, it is essentially important to build a significant relationship on the right things. A marriage counselor wisely advised: Marry the one you cannot live without.
Usually people get married at the height of their physical beauty. That guy will have gotten himself as good looking as he can get. That woman has been getting ready all day and she is looking wonderful. They will be on time. And everything from that moment on is down hill physically. So, if you have built your marriage on physical attributes, and what is worse, if you built it on passion, you are in a heap of trouble. What should you look for in a mate? Most people never give any thought to this.
They just fall into marriage and often wake up the next morning regretting the mistake they made. You singles of any age must realize that your selection of a mate involves the quality of the education of the whole person, the development of character, the forming of willpower, the rounding out of the whole personality, and the development of moral strength, of honesty, and integrity.
So now that there is no one in the world that matches that, what do we do? Most importantly, the success of your selection of a mate depends on yours and your potential mate's personal relationship with your Creator and Savior—God the Father and Jesus Christ. There are hidden, unseen spiritual laws which, if they are obeyed, are going to produce tremendous dividends and blessings.
Does your "love-interest" love God and his neighbor?
That is one of the first questions you should ask when dating. The problem of wanting to, or knowing how to, love our neighbor, is spiritual, not physical. God's law is spiritual. Humans do not perceive spiritual truth—God must reveal it. Therefore we see, throughout human history, conflict between man and his neighbor, and between husband and wife. Have you considered that whatever we do to another human being shows how we treat God?
According to Matthew This knowledge should have a powerful impact when we consider our relationship with our neighbor! In addition God says:. And this commandment we have from Him: The same holds true for the person you are interested in dating or marrying.
How does he or she treat others? How does he or she treat you? Our neighbors—each and every one of them—are made in God's likeness and are eventually to become part of God's Kingdom.
Sermons on dating and marriage
It is at this point that we begin to see the importance God places on relationships between human beings made in His likeness. Every human being is a potential member of the God Family, and we must not do anything to deter our neighbor from fulfilling God's purpose in his life.
This must be the underlying premise upon which we base our every thought and action toward our neighbor—toward a potential life partner. Can you see your love-interest's desire to love you by the way he loves God and his neighbor? If not, you are making a huge mistake that will cause you misery, if you pursue one who loves not his neighbor.
Love is not frenzied. It is not emotional in that sense, though emotion is certainly connected with it. True love is unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another. It is deep admiration and genuine respect for the qualities of character in the other individual. It is a desire to give to and share with the one being loved. But lust, infatuation, physical attraction, romantic emotional desire—that is all self-centered. Love is something that has to be produced over time.
To truly love—a person must want to share: All of us have had times in our lives when we have seen a wonderful sunset, or experienced a sensational thrill, or observed wildlife or something in our environment such as a breathtaking view, and wished we had someone who could thoroughly understand and share the moment with us!
We have all had times when we have yearned for someone to deeply understand our innermost longings and desires. When irritated over a political, social, or religious situation we have desperately desired to express our concern to someone—someone with whom we can share our own personal feelings—and who is willing to listen.
If we base our marriages on what God teaches and His wisdom, then our strong desire will be to be able to discuss God's way of life, and His principles, statutes, and His laws together, with our husband or wife. Selfless love requires work along with wisdom, willpower, and determination. It is an uphill push because human nature is not naturally selfless and outgoing. Wisdom is the right application of knowledge and it is an absolute necessity in learning to exercise true love.
It takes wisdom to discern God's will in dating and marriage.Advice on Marriage - Sermon by Dr Ravi Zacharias
Wisdom is needed to correctly guide our efforts. It is needed in the way we continue our efforts in spite of all adversity. But let him ask in faith , with no doubting.
So, if you are a single and are in a dating situation, or when you are in a dating situation, remember to ask God for wisdom and the right way to go through with that dating and courtship. There are three things that are needed to successfully survive every trial, and they are faith, hope , and love.
Dating and marriage can certainly be an ongoing trial, especially if done unwisely. In faith, we stand unwaveringly on our trust and conviction. In hope, we guide our action expecting to receive the desire we have set our heart on. This hope adds spiritual motivation to go forward. In love, we act with selflessness, with initiative, and genuine concern for everyone.
This helps take the focus off ourselves. All three ingredients are important, but the most important, and the one that takes the most effort, is love. This is what dating and marriage and life is all about. How we handle these challenges has a huge impact on our eternal reward.
This arena of dating, and marriage, and physical life is our opportunity to show God that we are willing trainees and learning to be profitable servants for His eternal Family. Someone with similar maturity — benefits are obvious.
The other person can be a commodity if you are needy or a blessing if God is your all. Bread and water vs. God must be number one in your life. Patiently and trustfully waiting for His timing James 1: You have a solid identity in Jesus alone. You are walking in the Holy Spirit.
You can bless that other person as God desires. You can exhibit the fruit of the Spirit in that relationship. You are encouraging positive growth in each other. You have developed an agape only relationship with that person first. No one should date someone they barely know. It is unwise to allow a stranger that type of intimacy. Knowing someone for at least a year before you date is very wise.
If you are lacking in any of these three areas you should seek God about whether you should be in this relationship. How and why you should date?
The goal of dating should be to glorify God and strengthen each other. Finding the right person vs. This will enable you to make a wise and informed decision about marriage. Give the relationship time to grow without that type of pressure. If you realize this person is not someone you would be able to marry gently communicate and end the dating relationship, before further emotional involvement.
We are made to stick together like duct tape — when we stick and peel apart we cant stick together as well the next time. When are you ready for marriage? Not after 6 months of good feelings, because you really feel this is the one.
Waiting will not kill you. Are you circumstantially ready? Getting married in college can be very rough. If you love that person will you tie them to your debt? Are you ready to walk the marriage role God has provided for you provide, protect, be a mother? Are you emotionally ready? Are you needy, seeking marriage as a security blanket? Are you spiritually ready?
Is Christ your all? Are you growing in Him through this? Are you developing His calling on your life or is the relationship distracting you from that? It is possible to do relationships the right way. Decide now that you will. Be examples of the way men and women were made to interact, reflecting Jesus in all your relationships. The Biblical keys necessary to successfully navigate the dating scene, glorifying God and finding the mate God created you to live your life with.
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