It's time for the Best Post Contest! Vote by Fantastic flag! Create a category, make a post, join the fun! Acceptable age gap in dating October 23, 9: I am 33, was married for 9 years and have been single for a little over a year. I'm newly entering the dating world, which is so unfamiliar to me.
Let me be clear, I'm not drawn to him because he "fathers me. It's really a case of two kindred spirits being separated by a lot of numerical years. If I follow what feels right, am I setting myself up for future failure?
Do you think this is a terrible idea? Just the fact that you are presenting this question makes me wonder if you already know the answer.
Usually, we don't question the things we know in our gut to in our best interests. You are concerned that a 15 year age difference may be a "terrible idea" or "setting yourself up for future failure. In my opinion, there is a lot more than just 15 years that separates you from your year-old boyfriend. He's had a heck of a lot more life experience than you have. You are in your late twenties, a time in life when you are just beginning to become sure of who you are and what you want.
You are creating your life while he is already in the prime of his. If you were 40 and he was 55, I would not be as concerned about the age difference as both of you would have had ample time to experience life and mold your identity. By dating someone so much older, you are missing out on being with someone who is in the same phase of life that you are; someone with whom you can share the joys and pitfalls of discovery.
Plus, this is a new relationship and you need to take into account that some of the sparks you feel come from the novelty of it. You mentioned that you are not trying to live out some father figure fantasy. Okay, but consider this: I speak from experience. This is my second marriage and he is a great guy;however, very unstable. I find myself less attracted to him as the days go by to a point that I do not want him touching me.
I try not to hurt his feelings but if this marriage is going to work, I have to be totally honest with him. I can not pretend like I am happy. I am miserable and I want out of this marriage but I know this man loves the dirt I walk on and I know he would be devastated. I have tried to end it several times but he insists on working it out.Catholic Girls Answer Questions About Dating
I am the realist, it will not work. I have a foot out and he is holding on tight to the other.. No more younger men!!! I was married for 28 years and have two children aged 24 and It still freaks us both out when we talk about the age gap.
Hi, I am dating a young man i. He is 35 and I am I have three grown up children and I am a widower. He has four children and he is a divorcee. Everything started because he wanted to try an older woman since he was only with his first girlfriend who is 4 years younger then him.
We work together in the same job and am also one of his Manager, I know it was wrong but we did fell in love. I did a lot for our relationship just to make him feel good and happy since he used to complained that his girlfriend was very immature and did not treat him right.
Everything was good and working out I even told my ex husband about it and to some of my closets friends who were ok with it. We always end up going back with each other since we love each other so much. I trusted him with my eyes close until I found out that his girlfriend and him were always in a relationship while him and I were together. When he told her about me she freaked out and moved out of his house where he lived with his parents and sister.
His mother freaks out on him and his father and they told him to break it up and to do it ASAP. Two weeks ago his girlfriend called me because she wanted to know about him and I and how long we were together, I told her everything and she started crying. To make the story short he decided to break my heart and leave me and ask his ex for forgiveness since his mother told him that I was too old for him and besides that my son and him are the same age..
Am so heart broken still it only been 3 weeks since all of that happen, and a week an half since he started changing with me.
I wanna to let him go but is so hard because I miss him so much. Please give me an advice of what should I do. I am in a three year relationship so far with a 36 year old man and I am I feel that he is more distant, and I believe that may be an issue though he does not directly say so. However, we do love each other and spend time with both of our families as well. I think if we were to break up it would have less to do with our age gap than other things at this point.
I think a woman has to have a very strong self confidence to date a handsome younger man. I think each situation is unique and all relationships have their difficulties. I do not regret anything about our relationship whether or not it will stand the test of time. Thank you very much for your insightful article…and the comments from other people are quite informative. To my sweet precious and perfect young lover: I love you so much. And there is a future for you…the ups and downs of your innocent youth.
Thank you for thinking i was beautiful. And by ending us, you have a chance to fulfil your dreams. I am 28 and my girlfriend is We are so happy we have each other. We are going to get marriage soon. I hope older women are Carin and sexy. I have promised myself not to date any one younger than I am………. I would rather date someone who 20 years older and be happy and safe than dating someone younger and crying at the end, besides age means nothing what matters is the love and mutual understanding between both parties.
Biggestmistake you can make. This is a warning for younger guys with older women….. I have never found a man my age has anything in common with me I have dated men 5 or 6 yrs older and their generally male chauvinist and control feels.
I have found my best relationships are with men 5 to 10 yrs younger does this make me a freak. Once people have kids and have a career going why should it matter. The problem I have now is all the men who want someone in my age group want me to quite my job and spend all my time on them.
I am going to have to work til I am in my 70s if I plan on having any cushion. I am a baby boomer and there are almost no one in my age group.
For 70 yr old men a relationship is about them. I love him never loved any man like I love him! I am attracted towards a lady who is like almost 6 — 7 years older than me. I am like in late 20s and she is in late 30s I believe. I am really in love with her sweet voice and elegant personality.
Her cuteness and politeness has just crushed me …. I am really in awe of her…. She is well educated, highly experienced and skillful in her profession like of Senior Management Cadre and I am like a junior level person in the organization.
She regards high of me and has praised me couple of times but strictly for professional reasons since we never communicated so much on personal level as such as I also find it necessary to maintain decorum in the office.
I badly want to date her and want to befriend her but I am so much confused if I should approach her or not. BDW she is single according to my sources but I am not sure if she is seeing anyone or whether she would approve of this all craziness. Is it just an infatuation??? I am attracted towards a lady who is like almost 8 years older than me. I am like 24 and she is in mid 30ies I guess.
The bad thing is she just left I badly want to date her and want to befriend her but I am so much confused if I should approach her or not. I am really confused… I can only hope that if she gets to read this message she realizes herself and approach me… I swear I would grab it like kids do with chocolate.
I am a young 74 and have always attracted much younger men. I have found the real love of my life in a 44 year old Jamaican American who determinedly pursued me and won me. He has no ulterior motives…our sex life is unbelievably wonderful and he is intelligent, funny, deeply caring and my dearest friend.
I am oblivious to the opinion of others….. I have had a successful relationship with a man 7 years younger. He was 25, I was Recently I was pursued by the male nurse who is taking care of me from time to time at home. He is a very distant distant relative…. We have lots in common and traveled together lots and have lots of fun.
The problem is that he is 17 years younger…. We talked about getting a surrogate. We talked about marriage. I feel like settling down and maybe having one kid but I am not sure this man is the long haul type even though we have lots in common and share a lot of similar life experiences growing up and feels deep connections with each other. He said he never met anyone like me who understood him and accepted him with all his shades of grey.
I never met anyone with so much complexity in his character. I am 27 years old and have now been dating a 41 year old lady. She is so Beautiful. She has a perfect body. She works out three times a week. That is how I meet her. She has 3 kicks from a 17 year long marriage that ended in a bitter divorce. I could go on for hours about how well we get along and how I think I might be a little in love with her. So we have been seeing each other for about six months. We became intimate the first time we went out.
The problem we have now is that she is pregnant. Yes yes yes she warned me but I, I guess did not take her seriously. I am not sure of this or anything right now.
I mean everything is good now but what about ten years form now. I mean how about 20 years from now. I like older women but I like younger women and women my age as well. I just alway thought that I would marry a girl my age and be married a couple of years before we had kids.
I mean I am not I love with thus woman that is going to have my baby. What do I do. Hi guys I really want some mature woman …as I feel they have the deep understanding of life and love.
I feel love is what we feel love is for whom we care about. Am I right marni. He is a wonderful man very gentle and kind. We have been together a year. Very happy and in love. He has no problem with the age difference but I do. He is in college and working 3 jobs. My career was successful and am newly retired. I feel he is just starting a life I have already made for myself. As it is there is no way he can financially take care of our needs even with my financial resources its tight to take care of my needs plus many of his.
I care so much for him but worry about the future and if 10 years down the road will he wake up and reality hit about the age difference now be an issue. At that pt he will be young enough to find someone else while at my age not so easily. Never dated a younger man and appreciate your professional opinion.
Also, with good genes, no wrinkles. For all the obvious reasons, I fought the attraction for weeks — until he won. Well, actually we both won.
The year age difference bothers me, but him not at all. Our relationship began 12 months ago and it continues …. Very informative article, some great comments. I am 38 and my husband is We met and began dating 3 years ago. We have been married or 7 months. I love this man and am so thankful that I have been blesed with such an amazing husband!
Prior to meeting my husband I was married to my ex for 16 uears. He was a lying manipulative drug addict. We had two boys together. We love and respect one anoher unconditionally and our age difference is never an issue outside of my sometimes insecure moments.
We are very open and encouraging to one another. Age has never played a role in our love for one another. Anyhoo, we were hanging out as friends for about two months, and I started to become seriously attracted to him.
And gave me the best sex of my life! As I said to him last night: Life is full of surprises! Thanks for the article…age is realy nothing,as long you love and respect each other,life goes on! Thanks for the articles…age is realy nothing,as long you love and respect each other,life goes on!
I am 26 dating a 19 year old. We have a fabulous relationship. There are times when it feels as though I hold the parent role though. Given his age, I cut him more slack than I would a guy of my age. I know that he cannot provide for me right now. However, I have no doubt that he can in the future. I am not sure what to do. I am moving back home to another state. He cannot come yet due to school and that he does not have his own car or enough money.
He insists that he wants to get a full time job, save money an move to b with me. Should I break things off or should I expect that this could really work out. He will be Can I expect him to seriously want to settle down, become married and have children? He says he will want these things but I question that because of his age. I need a lot of advice. I get really happy to find out so many older women are dating younger men because it lessens my competition.
There is nothing more amazing for me to have such young love and now with the internet, I get pictures practically whenever I want them. Thank you young men for taking yourselves off the market and making my dreams that much easier to achieve.
I currently in love with a man 17 years my junior. We have had our share of difficulties. I think the main problem is I am a alpha women. Calling him all day,leaving my job in the middle of the day for sex. It maybe to late for me. It looks like some of the words got changed by correction in my article above.. I am 49 and my boyfriend is I stumbled across this site and am glad I did. We have been dating 10 years! I have two older kids he gets along with well and things were great until recently when alot of his friends started to have kids.
We have discussed me having another but due to a medical condition that was stolen from us.. I love him with my soul and he does me,but what I feel is who am I to take that from him? Although he says he d rather have me over kids I deeply feel he would eventually hate me for him never having his own. Old what to do. So much love,time and history to just throw away,yet at the same time how can I be selfish and hold him back from that.
I was so apprehensive to even start to date him but ten yrs later I love him and him me just as the first day.. I risked alot to date him and looks like love or not I will end up alone in this. Just talk thoroughly about kids if u enter into a Dec May relationship.. Hi I have just started dating a younger guy he is 28 and iam At first i was dubious meeting him as he is not yet here i met him on holiday in Egypt. He is Egyptian and gorgeous guy kind loving and vv matue for his age and i love that abt him he has his head screwed on.
We have been married 2 yrs and 6 months i got married over there to him as he cannot come here yet. But let me tell u ladies out there dating a younger guy is gd you feel young as well.
I go to c him as often as i can a nd spend 3 glorious weeks wiv him our relationship is great in all aspects we have gd sex life we trust each other and we understand each othe rand have a lot in common.
27 dating 43
I have 2 kids from my previous marriage, son is 16 daughter is 19 i am worried when he finally does come here i want them to accept him eventually as they have never met him. What advice can u give me on that i really want them to accept him oneday. I am 64 and divorced 22 years. I am very attractive, fit, financially secure, and look early 40s. I did not start my career until I was 50 so I am also in the middle years of a career.
I have always dated younger men 7 years to 28 years. They ask me out. I was in a 25 year marriage and have wonderful children and grandchildren. I am now dating just for fun and incredible physical attraction a 38 year old man. He was married once and does not want to marry again. We are in the same place liberal, easy going, health oriented and have a lot in common. Fun, playful, and sexy. The trick to this is knowing what you need.
Why would I date a 60 year old man who is insecure, resentful, wants to settle down and needs Viagra? Every young man I have been with was the oldest and alpha. More alpha than the older men. My new theory is that so long as neither party wants children and both are over 35 — we are all adults. Twenty-something men can be immature, and probably not that sexually experienced.
Of course, no reason he might not be interested in a woman under 35 if they both want children. A 40 year old man who wants children should be dating a younger woman. And I hate the word cougar. As bad as gold digger. He is very keen to pursue a relationship, I am more wary. He prefers the company of older woman, and likes that I am self confident and independent. I have been very honest with him but he is still pursuing me. Im in a relationship with a guy 15years younger.
Im very happy, if feel loved. Never had the plessure of dating an older guy. Im Always attracting younger man. Cant say It dies nit frustrates me. Thanks for the article It realy help in boosting My confidence and also Through the comments from others whose been in This particular relationship.
I knw i should Be Open minder. Im Just taking One step at a time. I am currently dating a man 25 years younger. My friends make fun of me and my kids are freaked out. But once you find an amazing intellectual connection, you just have to go with it. We are compatible intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually. And we found out in that order. He lives miles away for now, so we also have our own long distance challenges. I just wish my children would respect the fact that I am a grown woman and allowed to make my own choices.
I respect them and devoted my life to them, making huge sacrifices along the way. Cougars are older woman who look for young men for sex. That is quite offensive to those of us who are older women and have a long term serious relationship with a younger man. Kranz gmaildot com …. I am 25 years old and my gf is I do love her but Idk how to get over the age thing. I think that motherhood is very stressful sometimes and your girlfriend might be going through some tough changes, maybe at work also.
Thanks Marni and all the guys that have made comments. After my divorce a year ago, I went out on a couple of dates but never felt the connection I felt with him. Thank you for sharing! I am currently dating guy that told his true age that his is 20 yrs old. When we first met he told me that he was 24 ys old. But I he explain to me he lie because he was afraid I wouldnt talk to him he stated to me that he likes dating older women that he had alway dated older women.
I love his compaionship and he is mature for his age but deep down he is really young for me and he makes me feel good in all areas and not afraid to be with me I am 40 I dont have any children really have medical issues that I might not have children.. I want a longterm commitment and be happy.
I am 43 turning 44 October. I constantly wonder when they will go back to younger girls. I have been lied to and w their tons of attempts to be used as the other woman, I have lost all faith in there being the one for me. What really worries me is the age different, how can I over come it.
We have a lot in common. I found my wife on a dating website 8 years ago when I was 28 and she was She had insecurity about dating me, but I assured her that I was okay with her age. Well, back then…I was. Now I am bored to death. And then she gets frustrated and plays with her sex toys. Besides, she is physically slowing down a lot these days, gaining weight, and I just want to do things and be active.
Our lives are different, and it seems to be going downhill. I feel horrible because I made a marriage covenant with her, but all I think about is being with someone my age or slightly younger. Bored to death with an older woman, and wish I could start over. That is the single most frustrating factor in our relationship.
He is immature… In practically everything. I have to sit and watch him make a mistake or some long winded argument about something we disagree on… when I already know where the road leads. He has a lot to learn about life which sometimes makes me feel more like a big sister than a girlfriend.
Otherwise he will hold us up arguing about which direction to flee. I just started dating a guy who is 15 years younger than me. It is funny to hear that with an older man you have more chances of a good long-term relationship.
In my case, I had an older boyfriend and he was cold, treacherous and lied to me…not to mention sex quality. However, I have dated younger men and they usually are more honest about their feelings, more innocent in their love, and sex is great.
With young men this question does not arise, you just live the moment. Well, this is my humble opinion. I use to give my older sister grief about her younger boyfriend. I guess I was also. However, here I am 14 months deep in a relationship with a 21 year old. I really fought it.. What will people say?? Will I end up parenting him? Will our families accept it?? I took my time. We dated first which honestly rarely happens anymore.
He kept asking to if we could eventually label it but i was still weary. Something i kind of meant. One day after 3 months of dinners movie nights and yes, over nights I realized ummm, I was all ready there.
We are on the same level once you stop seeing yourself as an old wise woman and can See past the age barrier. You open up this door like any relationship friendship into a new person.
Hes Not living the dorm life. Not some crazy kid looking to get laid. They are out there though and They exist in any age group. I dont really see him as a number anymore. Because his maturity and other characteristics dont scream juivenile.
In any relationship there are obstacles but you truly can not determine someones relationship worthiness by their age. I dont own a home in Cougarville but i can tell you things are good on the other side of the fence.. After the fact, my friend learned that the much younger guy was cheating on her because their sex drives were different and she was like a mom. The other problem was that the woman, my friend, had all the money. Also, even though she was older, her boyfriend complained about how immature and flirty she was.
The other couple, also age difference fairly big, was fine. I found this out the hard way. I think I would be ok with it at my age, but when the opportunity came up I said no.
Sure, why not fun for a little while, but then what? To each their own! But I learned that whoever has money has to be careful about getting taken advantage of — man or woman- and there are jerks at every age.
I hate generalizations that older women are better, younger men are better, etc. I think it might be easier for us to relate to people who are older or younger because we treat them differently. We treat older with more respect as opposed to someone young who is just as clueless as any other young person.
And a difference at 30 years of age and 50 years of age relationship or 40 and 60 as the ages, is different than 20 and 45, or even 18 and I agreed to date a younger boy because we both knew he would be leaving by the summer to another state. Unfortunately, by about 5 months into our relationship, I caught feelings, then I felt love for him, by the time the week came for him to move away, I was head over heels in love and heart broken because he was leaving.
Due to financial issues, he was only able to stay out there for one month before he came BACK! Now, he is not an evil person. I love him to death but he is from an old fashioned family, they instilled this notion that a man must marry an younger woman to keep him young. I guess my question is, how do I find the strength to let him go? What do I do?
My blood cousin who is 41 is dating my 23 year old step brother. Puts the whole family in the middle of there relationship. It makes alot of the family feel uncomfortable. A question for you… What if they break up? What if they get married? That has put our family in a really awkward position. His aunt would now become his mom and his mom would now become his aunt??? The same thing would then apply to her And I still would not be able to have a friendship or bond at all with my brother.
Who cares about age? If both people are single at the time when meeting, live it up and enjoy life while you can. I met a young man a year ago.
He said he was older and I said I was younger. We clicked and one night ended up being a lot of nights together.. I quickly worked out he was much younger 20…. Time passed a year later…in fact Last week we had the strangest argument over nothing which led him to or about to tell me he how he felt about me.
I stopped him and blurted out that i was 48 not He laughed but was thinking deeply. I told him that our relationship had limits.. I could never meet his parents. After a few minutes he said..
Older Women Dating Younger Men: Doomed from the Start or Happily Ever After in Cougarville?
Because in the end.. We clicked and one night ended up spending a lot of time together.. I could never meet his family nor he mine. However, the contrary can be the case once you decide to get married to someone older than you. An older woman will always want to appear superior even when they actually know that they are not.
I am now When I was 39 I met mat. It started out as a little summer fling. Well 4 months into it I fell pregnant. I had our first at 40 and our second at My guess is that the real "problems" may arise when I am 80 and she is 68, but hopefully she won't mind my extramarital affairs then As has been said above, it will all depend on individuals and things other than the age difference should be considered.
For example your concerns about the wage bracket. My wife is We have been together for 7 years. No plans on kids for either of us, so that's not an issue with us, but it could be with some people. There's a concept called convergence It's a good thing for men to be closer to their female side and that seems more prevalent in older men. Also, they've proven that they probably aren't going to die from drug overdose, excessive drinking, or the time they've spent in prison Darwin has spoken, as it were.
FWIW, my first marriage was to someone exactly my age. It lasted until cancer intervened and she died. Our compatible ages presented some stresses, so I'd personally resist using age as the only discriminant. In the 20 year time frame, you're going to have to confront a major difference due to age You need to be sure you're up for that.
I'm 27 and my boyfriend is It hasn't really caused any problems for us, and I think that's because of what occhiblu describes above. We are at similar stages in life - no kids, never married, finding our respective ways in relatively new careers.
He is in a slightly higher financial bracket than I am but I am closing in fast: Hypothetically, I think 33 and 46 would work out fine. Sure, there's a 13 year difference, but proportionally, you're getting closer in age all the time. Also, that year half-generation gap will make for great conversation. The more important question is whether YOU feel he's too old for you.
Some 46 year olds are 23 at heart ew , and some are 67 at heart. One thing in the modern age is the cultural sensibilities thing. If you have particular connections to parts of history or pop culture, it can be weird when your partner has no reference point. I find myself most comfortable with other people who broadly consider themselves Gen X because so much of my adolescence was entangled with the art, music, humor etc of that generation - people who are not old enough to remember reagan's cold war or pre-nirvana pop music, or who are too old to have found those things formative when they happened, can be harder to immediately find commonality with.
On the other hand, that opens up the potential to expand horizons, etc. If you get along in fundamental ways, age shouldn't be a factor on its own, but I think it's very plausible that an age gap will express itself as a kind of cultural gap.
Although, there are always gaps, always things "you just don't understand", with everyone, so it's a matter of picking your battles. I have a friend who is in his late forties who dates a woman in her late 20s - they get along fine.
I think its really only a question of a whether you can put up with social disapproval as a result of an age difference and b whether you can work something out for things like whether to have kids etc In short if it feels good do it and don't worry about what other people think.
Personally, when I was single, 15 years older was my fishing limit. Not because I think that it's ew gross to date past that, but I found that for me, common cultural ground is problematic with more than a year difference.
It matters less as you get older. I agree with occiblu's point about "compatible age of life. His day-to-day reality included on-campus apartments, finals, and majors.
My day-to-day reality included salaries and benefits and performance reviews. That doesn't mean that 3 years is an insurmountable age difference, though, obviously. You haven't known each other long enough yet to determine if the age gap is going to be a problem. Enjoy the feelings you're experiencing now, you can think about this later once you know each other. My parents-in-law are 42 years apart, and have been married for 27 years, and I have been in long-term relationships with twelve and 8 year gaps.
Age itself should never be a barrier to a burgeoning relationship. FWIW, I've always liked the "half your age plus seven" rule as well. However, as everyone else has pointed out, this is only a rough and amusing guideline. Don't let it stop you, unless you're breaking the law. The biggest issue you're likely to have doesn't involve age, but the fact that he is a father. My husband is 8 years older than I am, and I was 23 when we met 10 years ago.
His boys were 3 and 5 at the time, and honestly, if I hadn't also been a single parent, I don't know if things would have worked out.
Step-parenting is a very tricky business. I am 35, and my girlfriend is The relationship was her idea.
The ugly truth about dating an older man
I'm mad crazy about her. She plays baseball hardball, not softball , reads Neal Stephenson, and always chooses staying in over going out. If you're compatible, you're compatible. My parents have a seven year age gap. When they married, my Mum was They're still together more than 35 years later. Age mattered much less to me when I was younger, but I got to the point where I realized that when it came to a relationship that could potentially become long term, I couldn't see myself with someone who was not a similar age for a number of reasons.
A big one being that I want someone to grow old with--someone whose life is in sync with mine as I finish my schooling, develop a career and think about settling down.
However it took dating someone significantly my senior add a couple of years onto your age difference and developing stong emotional attachments while simultaneously knowing he was not someone I could envision a future with to come to this conclusion. It was referred to as Elijah Mohammed's guideline for the ideal age difference for marriage.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned that yet. I think that rule or a similar one is also part of Chinese tradition. Seconded the half plus 7 rule. You may not like it because its very formulaic, but in every example i've come across it seems to give a good indication. A 33 vs 46 gap doesn't seem to be an issue to me and the rule would agree: No I'm not kidding.
Only an idiot would base their love life on a mathmetical formula.