Having a brain injury can sometimes make people feel differently about themselves, perhaps less confident, which can make meeting people challenging. Adam recommends slowly pushing yourself to engage in social activities I value every comment here. I'm a young man, suffered a TBI in a car accident in , but I'm fortunate enough to be alive. Now I live with a disability I have accepted myself!!
Let other people, like your roommate or a family member, know when they should expect you to be home after a date. The mission of the NRC is to provide relevant, practical information for professionals, persons with brain injury, and family members.
For more information about helpful materials published through the NRC including the Recovering Relationships book, please check our website www. As a survivor of shaken baby symptom, leaving me with a severe TBI, I have had a hard time socially.
I know all of this on the list. I need help with how to approach people women and ask them if they would like to go out. I need to know a strategy to use to keep my anxiety down and keep what I want to say there, right now this holds me back. I'm afraid of being turned down. TBInlove is social dating community concentrating specifically on people with TBIs and other disabilities. People with disabilities find it difficult for others without a disability to accept them for who they are.
Most people cannot see beyond the persons disability and do not give us a chance. We are so much more then our disability. Regular dating sites tend to focus on more of the superficial aspects of a person. TBInlove is a on line social dating community where you can chat, meet new friend, and many even meet that special some one.
A place where you will always be accepted. Our survivor of almost three years fell into a very bad relationship! It now is setting him backwards! She's trying to turn him on his family and its working! His anger shows and his thinking is definitely off after seeing her so be careful who u trust!! Abby Jackson and Cpl. Jackson on Supporting Intimate Relationships. Building Relationships and Overcoming Loneliness.
Tips for going out with women When you ask someone out on a date, have a clear plan for what to do. Try to choose an activity you think will be enjoyable for you both. Go someplace or do something familiar and comfortable. A first date is not the best time to try out skydiving or swimming with the sharks. No matter what your friends say, hygiene is important.
Paying attention to your appearance shows respect for yourself and for others. Take a shower and go light on the cologne. Nothing turns a woman off more than you yelling at the waiter or doorman. Remember that dating is supposed to be fun like going to the circus, not like watching a boxing match! Keep your hands to yourself. Ask before you touch. Get in shape and watch what you eat. If you have completely lost your manners, take cues from her.
The first month was loving and spontaneous and he would show lots of affection. But for the last two months he rarely shows any affection or instigates physical contact. Jbhbe spoken to him about this and he said that he did not even realise. I honestly thought that something was wrong with me and it's made me feel very self conscious. I have been in a 6 month relationship with a man that had a Subarachnoid hemorrhage 3 years ago. He told me how it effected his memory and gave him bouts of E.
I honestly thought the E. His emotional swings and memory issues are the biggest issues.
He was cheated on by his ex wife prior to the stoke and has major trust issues. I have always been an independent person and he takes my independence or what appears as of lack of need to him as me having someone else in my life. No matter what I say or do it turns into an argument that ends up becoming escalated and confusing. Things I said are either not remembered at all and I am "cold" because I ignored his feelings or if they are remembered then the whole conversation is twisted and not at all received correctly.
I get frustrated trying to explain because it seems no matter how I try to carefully phrase things to be honest yet as positive as possible it is rarely received as either. If I tell him that he doesn't remember something I said he gets angry and accuses me of picking on him for his memory issues. I feel like I am spinning my wheels. Finding this blog has definitely helped me "feel" better but I still don't know how I should handle things differently. I was seriously considering never telling him the truth about how I am really feeling and putting on a happy face all the time I am not sure I can do that, but is that what is required to keep the peace?
I've been searching online for a support group. How do I find one? Hi Julie, If you want to talk I'm going through the same thing. I looked a little bit for an online support group but didn't find the right one. I am in a very similar situation. I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year. He is wonderful and can be very loving in a way I have never experienced before, but he is very inconsistent and can be rather cold and distant at times with mood swings and burts of anger that are usually - in my opinion - due to some sort of misunderstanding.
His short term memory is terrible and even with me constantly reminding him of things he drops the ball on a lot of different promises. I have been very frustrated that he cannot remember basic things like my work schedule which is the same every week. He still doesn't know the date of my birthday. He knows the month but can't seem to remember the day which is the 1st. He is chronically late usually by 3 or more hours and sometimes - though rarely - doesn't even show up whether its something he planned with me, a friend, or a family member - nobody gets any special treatment.
We all see his tardiness as a lack of consideration for our time, but its very confusing because to know him one realizes that he truly has a heart of gold and he seems to mean what he says and intends to do as he says - he just can't keep track of the time and genuinely does not realize how much time has passed. If he promised to do something 3 weeks ago but still hasn't followed through when i bring it up he swears its only been a few days until i show him a calendar and then he becomes angry at himself.
I have had such a hard time understanding this until I finally began putting together the pieces. He is an incredibly intelligent man and very creative, but he cannot hold a job and I'm beginning to realize - at least for the time being - he cannot take care of himself independently. He is also very impulsive and makes poor choices when it comes to money.
He cannot plan ahead or manage the mundane tasks of life effectively. What's been bothering me a lot lately is the complete lack of sex. The entire relationship we have had very little sex, but it was somewhat regular for the first month or two perhaps but suddenly he "lost his sex drive" entirely and at this point its been about 7 months I have had such a hard time not taking this personally and its such a delicate subject to being up because he feels poorly about it as the issue is physiological - ED and of this I am sure.
I think that was an issue in the beginning as well but because it had been a while and it was all new and exciting that gave him some extra steam for a bit. What concerns me in his case is that his TBI happened when he was a baby That was over 30 years ago. I didn't think much of it when he first told me, but lately I began to wonder if there could be something going on in his brain to account for his frustrating behaviors and talking with my own therapist he believes his symptoms sound like brain malfunction.
Talking with my boyfriend's family I have also learned that he struggled in school due to severe difficulty reading and he needed a school plan to accommodate this.
He has always had difficulty with organization when though his parents tried so hard to get him to keep his room straight - they eventually gave up. He is on the verge of what one would consider hoarding behavior. Reading remains a challenge for him yet interestingly he is very good with words and has an excellent vocabulary bank, however, often times - almost always - he does not speak clearly - I have to have him respeat himself very often at this point I'm much better at understanding his speech than anyone else though.
His family gets frustrated with him and assumes he is just lazy and mumbling, but now I'm beginning to think this is a much deeper issue. Occasionally, usually if he is very tired, he will slur and that is VERY difficult - nearly impossible - to understand. Because he does have a history of drug abuse on top of it all but he has been clean a while now his family accuses him of using again if they catch him slurring.
At first I was concerned of the same, but because we now spend so much time together I know that is not the case. I have been crying all morning with the realization that my love most likely has brain damage and has been living misunderstood his entire life and it breaks my heart that nobody in his family thought about this over all these years.
He is 34 and essentially hasn't left home because he can't take care of himself and would end up living on the streets. Everyone blames him of being lazy and unmotivated, but I'm seeing it very differently now. Reading about TBI and hearing other people's experiences with it has been immensely helpful and reassuring. It is much harder for me to be upset knowing this. Did you ever find a support group?
I so am in same position. However some people with acute brain injury. I have found this. He uses his brain injury. He holds his do called mates in higher esteem to me. I have put my life on hold for him.
And its all gone out the window.. I feel I have lost. He won't help himself.. His bad influence so called mates. I work hard to keep body and soul together. I am not going. He says I'm first. But I don't feel it. I'm bottom of the shit heap.. Its beyond all exasperation. I told him to leave I'm so. I am mental health nurse.Social Life and Dating after Severe Brain Injury
Beyond all my comprehension. In another couple of weeks. I have to throw the towel. And live my life. Going to be easy. May be this is necessary. For him to realise. I can't take it. It will be over. I guess I have had the Realization. If someone is permantly broken.. And refuses the help.
And keeps repeating same. And puts his friends above me. I'm angry and hurt. And his family But. He takes no notice. Its all been a waste of my time and energy. I'm not wasting any more. I hope people read this. Are going through there own hell. Who are on the receiving. Yo the point of not knowing.. I can see right through his strategies.
And I have turned myself inside out. Where I have no more. Sure as hell going to need lots of it.. These posts break my heart. I fell down the steps when I was 20 12 years ago and was in the hospital for a month with a severe TBI.
Internally I am sometimes on top of the world, cocky, arrogant, just crushing life and feel great. And within minutes can be hiding under the covers for months, scared of my next thought. I relate to a lot of the comments above and feel disgusted at the way I have treated people.
I've done my best attempting to get help, and fall off track often. The struggle to find help again gives me so much anxiety that I usually don't get very far. Regarding Steve's comment from Feb Your post broke my heart. I don't have a TBI myself, but have fallen in love with someone who was in a wreck 17 yrs ago age I have two things to share: Perhaps you could get a psychiatric consultation about these emotions and inability to get out in the world-class is Soo similar to the way people with bipolar experience life.
That's my own personal opinion, of course. I did just end a 25yr career working with disabled people. Now I realize the changes in my brain and lifestyle aren't very different from the people like you who I have met.
I understand what it feels like to be So Lonely and sad about your life. Me, my boyfriend, and others have suffered, too. Sorry this is so long.. I just wanted to help a little. This site is helping me so much. I am reading things that sound just like my situation, when I thought it was just me. Dating a man with a TBI he suffered 20 years ago. We are just at 5 months now. He was charming, a dream come true.
This all lasted for about 3 months. He told me about the injury at the beginningbut said other than some short term memory issues, there was nothing to really know. He wanted to plan a future with me. He joined me at several Christmas invites. It was so wonderful. All of a sudden, he changed.
Looking at it now, I think I overwhelmed him and I had no idea I was doing it. He even has accused me of controlling him at Christmas He has wanted to break up a couple of times, but then was texing the next day that he loved me. The last two months have been a rollercoaster. We will spend some time together and it's wonderful Says he is'nt fit to have a relationship - Will even block me from his phone. Then a few days later, be back telling me he loves me. He is in really dark place.
I'm trying to get him to concentrate on our friendship. Thank you so much to all of you who are posting, those with TBIs, you are making this easier to understand. I want to understand. I am starting to think that he maybe is afraid that I will see a side that I won't love so he is in this mood. I know most of it has nothing to do with me but it's so confusing sometimes. Will I ever get that wonderful man I loved so much at the beginning back, even for a while?
Having TBI is difficult, I've been bailed on cuz of it. You're with someone you love and things are going great but they don't want to put in the effort to understand and walk away for a downgrade in everyone's eyes. It's gotten to the point that I'm not meant to be with anyone, females don't want to put in the effort in my experiences.
I have recently met a guy that I can say have fell in love with very much. He has a TBI and I agree he is the most loving and caring person.
He has issues where he thinks i am hiding men and cheating on him while he is in my home. We have broken up a few times now and he will do the same by blaming me for everything, will block me and then tell me he loves me and wants to work things out with me.
Our 2nd breakup I realized he had a TBI and felt awful , because I definitely did not handle our arguments appropriately or to even know how to say I am not lying or cheating. We currently are broken up again and is the same issue of cheating and dishonesty and I am currently blocked. I have told him I would be there for him through all of this and I want to be with him forever.
I want to learn how I can help him feel happy again because he makes me happy. My husband had an accident 7 years ago and now left with TBI. Although very difficult to live with him but I managed to stay strong and stand tall be proud for 7 years. Not easy, very challenging, lots tears and sacrifices but have to do it for the sake of my children we have 2 beautiful smart children.
The hardest bit is to make our children understand the situation. Whenever he had mood swings, shouted with temper kids will be scare and upset. Things that I never wanted to see. The only thing made me giving up but also the main reason I am staying.
I have never been apart of online support. I love my partner very much. We have been together over a year and currently live with one another. I haven't thought one time of leaving him but have been having a hard time supporting myself alongside him through the hard times. I constantly reassure him im here when hes ready to let me be.
Sometimes i talk to him and he doesnt say a word back. He wont look at me, he wont speak to me. I feel like im a burden to him instead of a support system. He has opened up to be a few times in the past about his injury and allowed me to have his back. This time its different, and has almost been a month since this has all been going on. My son is noticing a difference in his whole demeanor as well and takes it personal, like hes done something wrong Do you have any advice for me??
My husband suffered a TBI in He was successful physician which after the accident his license was taken away. Our lives have been turned upside down. He was in a day program for 16 months. Learning how to speak, write and walk correctly. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that this all happened. We have good days and we have bad days. And the days that are bad I just have to keep telling myself that this day will pass and hopefully tomorrow will be better.
We wrote this book hoping it would help one person. I was so afraid of the future and so was he. There was not many books out that I thought could help me. This book shows you a lot about what a brain injury survivor goes through and also the caregiver. I hope somebody reading this will find some part of the missing puzzle in the book. It is available on Amazon. He was hit by a car in I found this site in a desperate attempt to find others who go through the experiences of having a partner with TBI.
I get very confused with my partner and some of the things he says. He will often contradict himself and his temper is dreadful. He often uses the wrong words for the context.
I feel very suffocated in my relationship. I often walk on eggshells, in an attempt to avoid his anger bursts. I don't feel like I can feel any normal human emotional with him because he blows it out of proportion and it ends up being about him.
Our entire life is based around dealing with his TBI.
Brain injury dating
We have 5 children between us. I am the provider and then I organize the house etc. I get so tired overseeing everything. Today he told me that nothing he does is good enough and that I keep asking for more and more. I've come to learn that as a partner of someone with a TBI it is so important to do things in life that make you happy. Your TBI partner generally hates who they have turned into and the last thing they want is to see you restricting your life in order to align with their limitations.
A TBI partner cannot give you the normal relationship life. They are simply unable to. Being with a TBI survivor means temper bursts, unstable emotions, contradicting their words, fatigue, inability to participate in some physical activity.
If you are going to stay with a TBI survivor, you do need something for yourself. You need to have something that rejuvenates you. There will be an emotional gap with a TBI. It's not that they don't love you. They are brain damaged and their altered emotional state and often poor ability to communicate can cloud what that looks like. After the coma, there were extremely frustrating years of therapy learning how to walk, read, reason and perform basic independent living functions again.
It was torture needing help having to ask a stranger which bathroom said "Men" after leading men in combat for years. Although my girlfriend was by my side for the first year of my post TBI life, she eventually got tired and bored, so she left. In the years since then, all of my relationships have ended like clockwork after about 3 months.
I've given up on the chance that I'd ever find someone who would love me enough to see beyond my difficulties and just appreciate the loyalty, humor, passion, and love I have to offer. It feels like either contemporary singles are too fickle to prioritize the heart I don't know, but reading these posts shows me that it is possible that someone may at least want to try one day.
And sorry for writing a Novela here, but this is my first time sharing in any forum where I feel like someone might be able to understand. The world doesn't feel so suffocating right now.
But also, just do the things you enjoy and find a way to appreciate what you do have, no matter what happens. I hope she's out there for you. I was so sad to read how much you are struggling in your relationship. I would just caution about making generalizations about all persons with TBI.
Starting or Nourishing Romantic Relationships After Brain Injury
I have been living with a TBI survivor for just over a year. She has thus far moved out three times because of disagreements and she uses moving out as a weapon because she knows how much I love her and how it will hurt me.
She just presently moved out three days ago, took what furniture was hers, etc. I am at a loss here and am frazed. I love her and want to be with her as I think she does with me. Another thing she does is manipulate a disagreement to make it seem like I am the bad guy and never sees her actions as causing the argument. She also has very explosive anger issues and is very controlling but she turns it around as if I am the controlling one.
She's also very antagonistic and has absolutely no empathy when it comes to my feeling. I am at a loss here. I don't know if its even worth continuing in a relationship any longer with her. I feel there's absolutely no stability in her actions. One minute she lives here, a few weeks later she leaves and repeats the cycle